Kink Is Like Drink

I asked for kink again today. I seem to really want punishment; like over and over. I wonder how many days in a row I can go. I have a perma-scraped feeling. Like when you skin your knee, but your ass instead. It's raw, but I'm not actually broken, you know? And now there's a deeper muscle ache that I can feel when I move and stretch, alot when I get in the car.

It's like when you drink after something bad has happened; and you haven't had a drink in a while. You keep saying, "I'm not drunk enough. I can still feel this. I need to drink more, cause I'm pretty buzzed now, but in half an hour I'll be okay again and I'll have to start over." And then you drink some more and all of a sudden, half an hour later, you're ready to black out.

I just don't know if I'm drunk enough yet.